Second Person
My parents had been married for eight years by the time that I was born in 1991. My parents were both thirty years old, and were born in the same year just six days apart, my fathers birthday is November 28th and my mothers is December 4th. They lived in Riverhead, New York. They both worked pretty close to home, my father was the manager of a car parts place and my mother worked as a loan officer. They were able to provide for their kids but not always able to get what they wanted and needed. They had little support from their family; everything they had was because they earned it. My parents were in good heath, they still are, they don’t take any prescription drugs and they exercise several times a week. When my parents found out that they were pregnant with me they were surprised because my mother had been on birth control for the last year or so. The doctor told them there might be complications with their baby or that I might have some severe birth defects due to the birth control pill. Although the birth control pills were the only abnormality with my conception, everything else was normal until it came time for me to be born.
My mother was two months pregnant with me by the time she found out that she was pregnant. “Obstetricians recommend that before pregnancy occurs, women should avoid drugs (especially alcohol)” (Berger, 2010, 2, 73) As I stated above, my mother was taking birth control and wasn’t aware that she was even pregnant until after much development had taken place. “The first days and weeks after conception (the germinal and embryonic periods) are critical for body formation, but the entire fetal period is a sensitive time for brain development” (Berger, 2010, 2, 73). The use of any teratogen can potentially be harmful for a developing fetus, whether it is physical or mental. The doctor gave my mother the option of abortion because of the high percentage that I would have some major birth defects. Because my parents did not like the idea of abortion, they decided to keep me and would love me no matter how I turned out.
My parents tried to do everything the doctor said to help during the rest of the pregnancy. During the next seven months of pregnancy my mother followed the doctors instructions and met with him constantly to ensure that everything was going smoothly. My parents found out that they would be having a baby boy, and the due date should be the end of September. During the delivery process their doctor was unable to make it back to the hospital. The doctor told the nurses to call him when my mother was ready to deliver. My mother was dilated to a seven and the doctor said he couldn’t come in because he was on his way home. When it came time to deliver the doctor wasn’t there and wasn’t going to make it back so an intern had to do the delivery. When I was born I was blue from lack of oxygen and the nurses rushed to get an oxygen mask for me. I grabbed the oxygen and pulled it to my mouth, the nurses were amazed by my ability to move already. My parents named me Don Thomas and I was born on Thursday the 12th of September 1991. After so many complications this far my parents hoped to have an easier time raising me.
I am the youngest of four; I have one older sister and two older brothers. My parents couldn’t have been happier with all of their kids. Although my parents were happy, my sister was not. She wanted a younger sister that she could dress up and play with (which she ended up doing anyway). My childhood was pretty normal compared to other American families. I learned a lot of lessons the hard way, by experience. By the time I was eight months old I could already walk and run, which according to the book “the most dramatic motor skill (any movement ability) is independent walking” (Berger, 2010, 3, 103). I was able to walk and run about eight to ten months earlier than the average infant could master this skill. Instead of crying while I was a toddler, I spent most of my time looking relaxed and tired. According to Berger, “a newborn’s emotions are distress and contentment, which are expressed by either crying or relaxation” (Berger, 2010, 5, 135). During this stage in my life my brain and emotional developments were developing. I rarely showed emotion through crying, but my parents noticed a lot of tiredness, and laughter when I was an infant.
Around five years of age I remember wanting to play childhood games with my parents, my older siblings and friends. We played many games such as hide and seek, tag, and wrestling. I was in the “attachment as launching pad” stage of the different stages of development, where I expected my caregivers to entertain and protect me (Berger, 2010, 3, 143). I was always an interactive child who loved to play with others and seek their reassurance. I was also known as the kid who always had their thumb in his mouth during pre-school. According to Freud, this was a sign of the oral stage during infancy (Berger, 2010, 4, 150). Because during infancy my mouth was my primary source of gratification, it was hard for me to break the habit of sucking my thumb later in life.
Growing older my mothers friend owned a dare care program close to our house. Therefore, my siblings and I spent a good amount of time there. Most centers separate ages in a daycare, such as center day care. A center day care is where licensed and specially educated adults care for the children (Berger, 2010, 4, 159). One thing that I learned from our day care when I was younger is to always wash my hands. As I am older I am now cautious about washing my hands and making sure they are sanitized throughout the day. My peers also had a large influence on teaching me what is right and wrong while I was younger. One example would be when we were playing at a local park on the playground. I was on the equipment with my two older friends and thought I could do all of the cool tricks that they could. Soon enough, I was on the monkey bars, I got stuck, my hands started to slip and I landed straight onto my left arm and broke it. My parents used tertiary prevention by quickly taking me to the hospital and getting a cast. Tertiary prevention is defined in our book as beginning after harm has occurred, limiting the damage (Berger, 2010, 5, 174). This incident did not stop me from playing with my friends anymore. The next week after I got my cast I was out playing with them again. Play with peers is one of the most important areas in which children develop positive social skill (Berger, 2010, 6, 213). I feel like I learned so much as a child playing with my siblings, friends and peers.
When I was younger I always thought my parents were very strict and careful with how they raised me. Looking back now I realized they were just setting healthy limits for me. According to Baumrind’s three styles of caregiving, my parents were authoritative parents who encouraged maturity, listened to what I had to say and always forgave me (Berger, 2010, 6, 217). They knew what was best for me and wanted to guide me into becoming independent and successful for my future. I also grew up in a strict Christian family where I was taught our religion was very important to us. According to Berger, there are three ways that religion helps a child throughout adolescence; practically, socially and cognitively (Berger, 2010, 8, 290). The church was where I spent a lot of my time; I made a lot of my friends in different church groups, looked up to role models and it helped me develop strong morals.
Looking back on my life, I have realized that my parents wanted nothing more than to provide a good life for me. There were so many times when I was upset because I didn’t get my way but it was only because my parents were sacrificing then so I could have a better future later on. My parents were not the only ones that have impacted my life, I have learned a lot from my peers, teachers and siblings as well. Overall, I think I have had a lot of ups and downs throughout my stages of development in life; but I wouldn’t be who I am today without all of the experiences and history that I have been through.
I thought that the first 18 years of my life were hard, but it turns out that they are nothing compared to the difficult times I had to face later on. When I was in my youth I spent quite a bit of time at the local Christian church, that didn’t change much as I got older. Religion helped give me an identity, which stayed with me throughout my life. “Few adolescents totally reject religion if they’ve grown up following a particular faith, partly because religion provides meaning as well as coping skills” (Berger, 357). This identity helped me throughout my life; it became very meaningful to me as I watched how the world changed. More violence everywhere I turned, it seemed that everyday there were riots somewhere in the U.S. or something negative. Religion helped me find the positive even with the negative around me.
This also helped with my career choice, I didn’t want to become a pastor but I did want to help people. I decided that I would go into the medical field. After I graduated high school, I wanted to go into the medical field. I wanted to become a doctor, which meant that I would need exceptional grades. Needless to say, I didn’t have much of the “college experience” that is, drugs, alcohol and sex. Not that I was interested in that sort of stuff, I was still pretty active in my religion. Although I didn’t use drugs, I saw many who did use and sometimes abuse them. “Drug abuse occurs whenever a person uses a drug that harms physical, cognitive, or psychosocial well-being” (Berger, 398).
Because I chose to dedicate myself to school so I would be able to get a good job in the future, it saved me from making mistakes that other young adults tend to make. A down side to immersing myself in school is that I postponed marriage. “A major reason that emerging adulthood has become a new period of development, when people postpone the usual markers of adult life (marriage, a steady job), is that many older adolescents seek education, choosing to postpone traditional adult responsibilities” (Berger, 403). My choice to become a doctor wasn’t just based off of helping people; it is also because of the money. My parents were very hard workers and they taught me to be as well. Because I saw them struggle at times to pay the bills, I knew that is something that I never wanted to worry about.
Part of becoming an adult included the development of vocational identity. “Emerging adulthood is a critical stage for the acquisition of resources, including the education, skills and experience needed for family and career success lifelong” (Berger, 411). Going to college helped in many ways, although my original plan of being a doctor didn’t turn out. I decided to become a physician’s assistant (PA-C). I was still able to have a very rewarding job and earn a good living. I got married just before I graduated with my master’s degree. “It is hard to overestimate the importance of the family at any period of the life span. Although made up of individuals, a family is much more than the individuals who belong to it” (Berger, 420). Family has been very important for as long as I can remember. I was excited to start this next step in my life. “From a developmental perspective, marriage is a useful institution. Adults thrive if another person is committed to their well-being; children benefit when they have two parents who are legally as well as emotionally dedicated to them; societies are stronger if individuals sort themselves into families” (Berger, 474). Having a family of my own was much harder than I ever thought. I learned a lot from my parents and I knew that there were things that I would do as an parent and things that I wouldn’t do. It wasn’t that simple, I thought that I would use certain styles of parenting, but at times it seemed that none of them worked. I learned very quickly that each child is different and has different needs. It was much easier said than done.
As I got older, I saw major signs of aging, physically and mentally. My eyes started working less, I found it harder and harder to read text. “With sight, peripheral (sidelong) vision ages faster than frontal vision, perception of some colors fades more quickly than that of others, and nearsightedness decreases as farsightedness increases” (Berger, 433. I also noticed how my mental capacity seemed to decline. “Like every other part of the body, the brain also slows down with age. Neurons fire more slowly, and messages sent form the axons of one neuron are not picked up as quickly by the dendrites of other neurons” (Berger, 432). Physical changes didn’t bother me compared to the mental changes. The hardest thing in late adulthood was watching my wife’s mental capacity change. She showed signs of early dementia which was heart breaking to see. Though we tried what we could to delay the effects of dementia, it was impossible.
“The patterns of cognitive aging challenge another assumption: that senility is typical. Actually, senile simply means old but senility is used to mean severe mental impairment, implying that old age brings intellectual failure” (Berger, 519). We worked through it, but it got worse when it developed into Alzheimer disease. “Alzheimer disease is characterized by the proliferation of plaques an tangles in the cerebral cortex. These abnormalities destroy the ability of neurons to communicate with on another, eventually stopping brain function” (Berger, 520). It was severe enough that my wife had to be put into a nursing home; she didn’t remember me, or the kids. It was the worst part of my entire life. After living with Alzheimer disease she finally passed away at the age of 76. After the death of my wife, I decided to stay in the same house. “Sometimes a neighborhood or an apartment complex becomes a naturally occurring retirement community (norc), a neighborhood where people who moved in as young adults never move out. Many elderly people in NORCs are content to live alone. They stay on after their children have moved away or their partners have died, in part because they know the community and have friends there” (Berger, 549).
Berger, Kathleen Stassen. Invitation to the Life Span. New York: Worth, 2010. Print.
My mother was two months pregnant with me by the time she found out that she was pregnant. “Obstetricians recommend that before pregnancy occurs, women should avoid drugs (especially alcohol)” (Berger, 2010, 2, 73) As I stated above, my mother was taking birth control and wasn’t aware that she was even pregnant until after much development had taken place. “The first days and weeks after conception (the germinal and embryonic periods) are critical for body formation, but the entire fetal period is a sensitive time for brain development” (Berger, 2010, 2, 73). The use of any teratogen can potentially be harmful for a developing fetus, whether it is physical or mental. The doctor gave my mother the option of abortion because of the high percentage that I would have some major birth defects. Because my parents did not like the idea of abortion, they decided to keep me and would love me no matter how I turned out.
My parents tried to do everything the doctor said to help during the rest of the pregnancy. During the next seven months of pregnancy my mother followed the doctors instructions and met with him constantly to ensure that everything was going smoothly. My parents found out that they would be having a baby boy, and the due date should be the end of September. During the delivery process their doctor was unable to make it back to the hospital. The doctor told the nurses to call him when my mother was ready to deliver. My mother was dilated to a seven and the doctor said he couldn’t come in because he was on his way home. When it came time to deliver the doctor wasn’t there and wasn’t going to make it back so an intern had to do the delivery. When I was born I was blue from lack of oxygen and the nurses rushed to get an oxygen mask for me. I grabbed the oxygen and pulled it to my mouth, the nurses were amazed by my ability to move already. My parents named me Don Thomas and I was born on Thursday the 12th of September 1991. After so many complications this far my parents hoped to have an easier time raising me.
I am the youngest of four; I have one older sister and two older brothers. My parents couldn’t have been happier with all of their kids. Although my parents were happy, my sister was not. She wanted a younger sister that she could dress up and play with (which she ended up doing anyway). My childhood was pretty normal compared to other American families. I learned a lot of lessons the hard way, by experience. By the time I was eight months old I could already walk and run, which according to the book “the most dramatic motor skill (any movement ability) is independent walking” (Berger, 2010, 3, 103). I was able to walk and run about eight to ten months earlier than the average infant could master this skill. Instead of crying while I was a toddler, I spent most of my time looking relaxed and tired. According to Berger, “a newborn’s emotions are distress and contentment, which are expressed by either crying or relaxation” (Berger, 2010, 5, 135). During this stage in my life my brain and emotional developments were developing. I rarely showed emotion through crying, but my parents noticed a lot of tiredness, and laughter when I was an infant.
Around five years of age I remember wanting to play childhood games with my parents, my older siblings and friends. We played many games such as hide and seek, tag, and wrestling. I was in the “attachment as launching pad” stage of the different stages of development, where I expected my caregivers to entertain and protect me (Berger, 2010, 3, 143). I was always an interactive child who loved to play with others and seek their reassurance. I was also known as the kid who always had their thumb in his mouth during pre-school. According to Freud, this was a sign of the oral stage during infancy (Berger, 2010, 4, 150). Because during infancy my mouth was my primary source of gratification, it was hard for me to break the habit of sucking my thumb later in life.
Growing older my mothers friend owned a dare care program close to our house. Therefore, my siblings and I spent a good amount of time there. Most centers separate ages in a daycare, such as center day care. A center day care is where licensed and specially educated adults care for the children (Berger, 2010, 4, 159). One thing that I learned from our day care when I was younger is to always wash my hands. As I am older I am now cautious about washing my hands and making sure they are sanitized throughout the day. My peers also had a large influence on teaching me what is right and wrong while I was younger. One example would be when we were playing at a local park on the playground. I was on the equipment with my two older friends and thought I could do all of the cool tricks that they could. Soon enough, I was on the monkey bars, I got stuck, my hands started to slip and I landed straight onto my left arm and broke it. My parents used tertiary prevention by quickly taking me to the hospital and getting a cast. Tertiary prevention is defined in our book as beginning after harm has occurred, limiting the damage (Berger, 2010, 5, 174). This incident did not stop me from playing with my friends anymore. The next week after I got my cast I was out playing with them again. Play with peers is one of the most important areas in which children develop positive social skill (Berger, 2010, 6, 213). I feel like I learned so much as a child playing with my siblings, friends and peers.
When I was younger I always thought my parents were very strict and careful with how they raised me. Looking back now I realized they were just setting healthy limits for me. According to Baumrind’s three styles of caregiving, my parents were authoritative parents who encouraged maturity, listened to what I had to say and always forgave me (Berger, 2010, 6, 217). They knew what was best for me and wanted to guide me into becoming independent and successful for my future. I also grew up in a strict Christian family where I was taught our religion was very important to us. According to Berger, there are three ways that religion helps a child throughout adolescence; practically, socially and cognitively (Berger, 2010, 8, 290). The church was where I spent a lot of my time; I made a lot of my friends in different church groups, looked up to role models and it helped me develop strong morals.
Looking back on my life, I have realized that my parents wanted nothing more than to provide a good life for me. There were so many times when I was upset because I didn’t get my way but it was only because my parents were sacrificing then so I could have a better future later on. My parents were not the only ones that have impacted my life, I have learned a lot from my peers, teachers and siblings as well. Overall, I think I have had a lot of ups and downs throughout my stages of development in life; but I wouldn’t be who I am today without all of the experiences and history that I have been through.
I thought that the first 18 years of my life were hard, but it turns out that they are nothing compared to the difficult times I had to face later on. When I was in my youth I spent quite a bit of time at the local Christian church, that didn’t change much as I got older. Religion helped give me an identity, which stayed with me throughout my life. “Few adolescents totally reject religion if they’ve grown up following a particular faith, partly because religion provides meaning as well as coping skills” (Berger, 357). This identity helped me throughout my life; it became very meaningful to me as I watched how the world changed. More violence everywhere I turned, it seemed that everyday there were riots somewhere in the U.S. or something negative. Religion helped me find the positive even with the negative around me.
This also helped with my career choice, I didn’t want to become a pastor but I did want to help people. I decided that I would go into the medical field. After I graduated high school, I wanted to go into the medical field. I wanted to become a doctor, which meant that I would need exceptional grades. Needless to say, I didn’t have much of the “college experience” that is, drugs, alcohol and sex. Not that I was interested in that sort of stuff, I was still pretty active in my religion. Although I didn’t use drugs, I saw many who did use and sometimes abuse them. “Drug abuse occurs whenever a person uses a drug that harms physical, cognitive, or psychosocial well-being” (Berger, 398).
Because I chose to dedicate myself to school so I would be able to get a good job in the future, it saved me from making mistakes that other young adults tend to make. A down side to immersing myself in school is that I postponed marriage. “A major reason that emerging adulthood has become a new period of development, when people postpone the usual markers of adult life (marriage, a steady job), is that many older adolescents seek education, choosing to postpone traditional adult responsibilities” (Berger, 403). My choice to become a doctor wasn’t just based off of helping people; it is also because of the money. My parents were very hard workers and they taught me to be as well. Because I saw them struggle at times to pay the bills, I knew that is something that I never wanted to worry about.
Part of becoming an adult included the development of vocational identity. “Emerging adulthood is a critical stage for the acquisition of resources, including the education, skills and experience needed for family and career success lifelong” (Berger, 411). Going to college helped in many ways, although my original plan of being a doctor didn’t turn out. I decided to become a physician’s assistant (PA-C). I was still able to have a very rewarding job and earn a good living. I got married just before I graduated with my master’s degree. “It is hard to overestimate the importance of the family at any period of the life span. Although made up of individuals, a family is much more than the individuals who belong to it” (Berger, 420). Family has been very important for as long as I can remember. I was excited to start this next step in my life. “From a developmental perspective, marriage is a useful institution. Adults thrive if another person is committed to their well-being; children benefit when they have two parents who are legally as well as emotionally dedicated to them; societies are stronger if individuals sort themselves into families” (Berger, 474). Having a family of my own was much harder than I ever thought. I learned a lot from my parents and I knew that there were things that I would do as an parent and things that I wouldn’t do. It wasn’t that simple, I thought that I would use certain styles of parenting, but at times it seemed that none of them worked. I learned very quickly that each child is different and has different needs. It was much easier said than done.
As I got older, I saw major signs of aging, physically and mentally. My eyes started working less, I found it harder and harder to read text. “With sight, peripheral (sidelong) vision ages faster than frontal vision, perception of some colors fades more quickly than that of others, and nearsightedness decreases as farsightedness increases” (Berger, 433. I also noticed how my mental capacity seemed to decline. “Like every other part of the body, the brain also slows down with age. Neurons fire more slowly, and messages sent form the axons of one neuron are not picked up as quickly by the dendrites of other neurons” (Berger, 432). Physical changes didn’t bother me compared to the mental changes. The hardest thing in late adulthood was watching my wife’s mental capacity change. She showed signs of early dementia which was heart breaking to see. Though we tried what we could to delay the effects of dementia, it was impossible.
“The patterns of cognitive aging challenge another assumption: that senility is typical. Actually, senile simply means old but senility is used to mean severe mental impairment, implying that old age brings intellectual failure” (Berger, 519). We worked through it, but it got worse when it developed into Alzheimer disease. “Alzheimer disease is characterized by the proliferation of plaques an tangles in the cerebral cortex. These abnormalities destroy the ability of neurons to communicate with on another, eventually stopping brain function” (Berger, 520). It was severe enough that my wife had to be put into a nursing home; she didn’t remember me, or the kids. It was the worst part of my entire life. After living with Alzheimer disease she finally passed away at the age of 76. After the death of my wife, I decided to stay in the same house. “Sometimes a neighborhood or an apartment complex becomes a naturally occurring retirement community (norc), a neighborhood where people who moved in as young adults never move out. Many elderly people in NORCs are content to live alone. They stay on after their children have moved away or their partners have died, in part because they know the community and have friends there” (Berger, 549).
Berger, Kathleen Stassen. Invitation to the Life Span. New York: Worth, 2010. Print.